BUMPER TO BUMPER GLOSSARY (Now alphabetized for your convenience, updated daily.)
Baby Jesus -- Term of endearment for Joe Mauer, and the way he has been been, from day one, the exulted one in this town. Nickname originally coined privately by Tom Kelly; we took it public, ran it into ground.
Baby Cheesus -- Brett Favre variation on the above item.
Bobo -- General term of strong disdain synonymous with suck-up, cheerleader, apologist, fantasist for a particular team, person or party.
Chowderhead -- Idiot, doofus, fool.
Chumbolone -- (CHUM-buh-lone) A wise-guy term for idiot, chowderhead, fool.
Dairyland Diaries -- An ongoing chronicle of just how frightening, and occasionally amusing, our Wisconsin friends are.
Doofus Factor -- The idiot, chumbolone, chowderhead factor that oftens affects somebody's performance, athletic or otherwise.
Favre Aversion Syndrome (FAS) -- An irrational, over-the-top hatred of the quarterback, often suffered by a number of envious and jealous ESPN former players who never had the chance to retire and un-retire several times.
Foofaraw -- A minor fuss that doesn't rise to the level of kerfuffle.
Gerbschmidt, Carl -- A walking, talking Dairyland Diary, he is the Elk Mound Wis, native, and occasional guest, who claimed that after a bad summer storm many years ago, rocks fell onto his property in the exact formation the 1967 Packers were in on the winning Ice Bowl quarterback sneak by Bart Starr.
Gobsmacked -- The act of being stunned, surprised, shocked. As in: "Gophers beat Ohio State? I am absolutely gobsmacked." We intend to use this term more in the future (even if we don't expect to use it in that particular sentence.).
Goof on the Roof -- Less than flattering nickname for Paul Douglas, pinned on him by some Chicago wise-guy during his time as Windy City weather terrorist.
Johnny-come-lately -- Now used satirically, originally was the name Sid accused Barreiro of being, even after Barreiro had been in Twin Cities market for 15 years.
Kerfuffle -- A controversy, argument, verbal battle.
Meerkat -- Slightly more complimentary nickname for McHale successor David Kahn, who, unlike the Ostrich, seems to be almost omnipresent, everywhere, doing everything in plain sight. A la the meerkat.
Not one of us --See Johnny Come Lately (above), a term used to poke fun at many Minnesotans' frightening provincialism, no matter how long the person involved might have lived here.
Ostrich -- Less than complimentary nickname for Kevin McHale, referring to his willingness, with help of enabler Glen Taylor, to stick his head in sand about the dysfunction of the Wolves franchise for way too long.
SARS -- Stands for Self-Absorption Reflex Syndrome, a frightening, condition afflicting many of chowderheads we tend to rip.
Sule -- (SUE-lee). Shorthand to describe anybody suffering from SARS (see above) who is all about shameless self-promotion and self-absorption, inspired by Octomom Nadya Suleman.
Sully -- Shorthand name for the anti-Sule, a generous, it's-not always-about-me, sometimes courageous person who gets his or her proper place in the cosmos, inspired by Chesley (Sully) Sullenberger, heroic U.S. Airways Miracle on the Hudson pilot.
Triple-Wide Stroller Derangement Syndrome -- A little-known condition that Barreiro suffers from, having to do with the proliferation of Winnebago-like status strollers and more importantly, their reckless, don't care whose Achilles we snap, operators.
Ubuntu -- (oo-BOON-too) A feel-good team, locker room, clubhouse atmosphere or world outlook in which whole is greater than sum of the parts.
Wagnerian (vog-NER-ian) Opera -- Usage: "Let's not turn this into a Wagnerian Opera." As in: Dragging out an issue endlesly, hysterically when it's not worth it. Or, an event or game that goes on too long.
Whether Wagner's operas really went on too long or were melodramtic is beside the point. It sounds good. And I heard the line in a fine movie called Nothing in Common starring Tom Hanks and Jackie Gleason.
Weather terrorist -- Generally refers to all the weather, and news people, who try to terrify their viewers or listeners by turning every 2-inch snowfall into Snowmaggedon, every rain shower into Storm of Century. (Paul Douglas already inducted as first-ballot Weather Terrorist Hall of Fame entry.)
Wonk -- Alleged expert in whatever that particular subject matter.