THE SLUDGE AND LAKE SHOW
Contact:
Cory Cove: sludge@kfan.com 
Henry Lake: lake@kfan.com
Sludge and Lake Show: 651-989-1130
Weeknights 7-9



Week 13: Betting Out Early
Week 12: Playing Ace Rag
Week 11: Poker Etiquette
Week 10: Slow Rolling
Week 9: How To Not Show Your Bluffs
Week 8: Basic Tells
Week 7: Drawing to Lose
Week 6: Playing Top Pair
Week 5: Playing Fast & Slow
Week 4: The 3 F's of Poker
Week 3: When To Play Your Draw
Week 2: Hands to Play
Week 1: Texas Hold'Em Basics



*****start poll*****
Poll: Have You Warmed Up To The Mayo/Love-Miller Trade?
*****end poll*****






THE MUPPET SHOW ROCKS "DANNY BOY"
Maybe the best trio of singers since LFO. I'd pay a s***ton of money to see these guys tear up a stage for an hour and a half.


SLUDGE'S TOP 5 OF THE WEEK
Every week I'll attempt to give you five things worth a second of your time. I may be wrong. Decide for yourself...


1. Incredible Hulk Spoof On Jimmy Kimmel
I don't watch Kimmel because Conan is a God and Kimmel starts later than hell, but his spoof videos (like the Bourne ones) seem to dominate the internet. Saw this one with Edward Norton and it got a smile out of me. Love it when big time celebs have a sense of humor.

2. Stormchasers Drive Right Into A Tornado
They are in the tornado. In the tornado. They are inside the tornado. The tornado is right over them. The tornado is right over them. They are in the tornado. In the tornado. They are going through the tornado. They went through the tornado. They went right through the tornado. They were in the tornado.

3. MTV Actually Does Something Worth While
Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr and a guy who looks exactly like FAN producer Paul Lambert attempt to make an internet video go viral. They ran this on MTV right between a 40-video nonstop block. Kidding. It was probably on right after The Hills, Laguna Beach, Next, or that show where those spoiled girls hate their parents and everyone who doesn't give them expensive free stuff without earning it.

4. They Should Start Showing These On TV Again
A Red Sox idiot fan runs onto the field at Fenway and gets completely rocked. I'm reversing my decision...Put these incidents back on TV, especially during baseball games. It will fill the three minutes between pitches.

5. Why Won't Tay Zonday Go Away?
"Pork and Beans" is a badass new song by Weezer, but here the Chocolate Rain man himself tries to ruin the song with the help of Weezer?? I need a bridge to jump off.





HARRY POTTER HATE VOICEMAILS:
After I lied about knowing the end of Harry Potter, I received a ton of hate emails and voicemails. Apparently people can't take a joke. I didn't know if Potter lived or died. I didn't care. As you'll hear, a lot of people did. These voicemails were left on my office phone...

 Angry Voicemail Caller #1
 Angry Voicemail Caller #2
 Angry Voicemail Caller #3
 Angry Voicemail Caller #4
 Angry Voicemail Caller #5
 


DICE-K AND HIS TRANSLATOR:
Boston Red Sox pitcher Dice-K Matsuzaka is an omnipresent power the likes this galaxy has never seen. When he isn't conquering distant planets, he plays baseball. Then, through his translator, usually threatens to tear someone's soul out with his sword. The FAN has his press conferences covered. Here are Dice-K's thoughts...


THE DICE K ARCHIVE

 Dice K on Santana Rumors (12-11)
 Dice K on Trade to Minnesota (12-11)
 Dice K on His Offseason So Far (12-11)
 Dice K on Facing Josh Fogg (10-26)
 Dice K on His Pitching This Season (10-26)
 Dice K on the "World" Series (10-26)
 Dice K on Tanking Playoffs (10-5)
 Dice K on Airport Bathrooms (10-5)
 Dice K on KG's Hat (10-5)
 Dice K's Playoff Prediction (10-5)
 Dice K on Red Sox Collapse? (9-21)
 Dice K Dressed as a Teletubby (9-21)

For previous Dice-K audio, check out...
The Sludge and Lake Podcast Page or
The Power Trip Podcast Page




IDIOT ROOMATE VOICEMAILS:

There is nothing more worthless than a voicemail that simply tells you to call someone back. Everyone has caller ID. I know which calls I missed. If I don't despise you, I'll call you back. If you leave a message it should have meaning. Having realized this years ago, my roommate and I have traded singing voicemails for years, because it's more entertaining than "This is Cory, call me back". Enjoy...

 Voicemail: "Pieces of Me"
 Voicemail: "Vacation"
 Voicemail: "Behind These Hazel Eyes"
 Voicemail: "Girlfriend"
 Voicemail: "All That She Wants"
 Voicemail: "Beautiful"
 Voicemail: "Always Be My Baby"
 Voicemail: "Papa Don't Preach"
 Voicemail: "Sandstorm"
 Voicemail: "Slow Motion
 Voicemail: "Back In Time"
 Voicemail: "Family Ties"
 Voicemail: "Growing Pains"


Sidenote: My roommate doesn't have a major market radio show. So, you won't be hearing me sing the theme song to "Fraggle Rock" on the radio anytime soon.


DALE EARNHARDT JR. PRESS CONFERENCES:
What do you get when you mix beer, cameras, hicks and guns? You get a press conference only our friends in NASCAR can pull off. Hear the press conferences of the biggest name in the sport...Junior.

 Junior Joins Hendrick Motorsports
 Junior Says Goodbye To Budweiser
 Junior Can't Keep The #8
 Junior Misses The Chase For The Cup
 Junior Gets Mountain Dew Sponsor



SLUDGE & LAKE DANCE TEAM ALL STARS:
Congratulations to the members of the Sludge & Lake Wolves Dance Team All Stars. The five gals you selected to be a part of the team are...

Jessica, Bianca, Ashley, Chrissa and Kristi

Photo Gallery: Timberwolves Dancers
Photo Gallery: FSN's Natalie Kane
Photo Gallery: Kings Dancer Photo Scandal


THE DONKEY BLOG: FAN POKER LOUNGE
KFAN employees play entirely too much poker. Most of us are terrible at it. We do our best to prove our level of Donkeyhood by revealing our exploits at the poker table. Read along as we lose our paychecks, lives and wives...

THE FAN POKER LOUNGE PAGE




FORGOTTEN ATHLETES:
Some athletes make amazing plays, accomplish incredible goals and overcome insurmountable obstacles to reach legendary status...and some don't. These are the stories of those athletes who didn't quite make it. These are the forgotten athletes...

 Billy "3-Ears" Peterson
 Bobby Ray Huckleberry
 Francis Wilson
 Martin "Pink Lawnchair" McGee
 Steve Silton


CLASSIC SLUDGE & LAKE:

 Dan Manson
 Mike McCarthy Interview
 Mike Tice Interview With The Jets
 Mike Tice Tampering In Jacksonville
 Mike Tice Goes To College-Anatomy 101
 Mike Tice Goes To College-History 101
 Mike Tice Goes To College-Philosophy 101
 M. Night Shyamalan Calls Sludge-Ernie Els
 M. Night Shyamalan Calls Sludge-Color Red
 M. Night Shyamalan Calls Sludge-Pool
 Packers Sign Koren Robinson
 Spiderman 3 Moviefone
 Triangle of Authority Party
 USA Soccer Gets The Stretcher
 USA Soccer Head Coach Press Conference

For more Sludge and Lake Show check out...
The Sludge and Lake Podcast Page







*****start poll*****
Poll: Worst M. Night Shyamalan Movie...
*****end poll*****





SLUDGE AND LAKE IDEA BOX:
Have a suggestion for the show? Think you have the funniest idea for a bit ever? Want Sludge & Lake to talk more about gardening or Steven Seagal movies? Let us know by sending your ideas and suggestions here...

corycove@clearchannel.com



LIVE GAME 6 NBA FINALS BLOG
Tuesday 06-17-2008 11:09pm CT


NBA FINALS GAME 6 LIVE BLOG:

The Celtics and Lakers will face-off tonight in game 6 of the NBA Finals. Speaking of "Face/Off", how many movie badasses of all-time have had a name cooler than Castor Troy? Nic Cage will steal the Declaration of Independence, but Castor Troy will murder anyone who can spell independence. Have you seen the previews for Cage's new movie "Bangkok Dangerous"? Get a haircut. "The Da Vinci Code" look isn't working for you now and it didn't work for you in "Next" (one of the worst movies in the last five years not named "Lady in the Water").

Sidenote: M. Night Shyamalan's career is over. Ten years ago he was a groundbreaking, lead-the-way kind of filmmaker. After seeing "Lady in the Water" and "The Happening", I'm actually contemplating ripping a page out of "The Village" and thinking about finding a state park and moving a group of people there who want to hide from any form of technology capable of showing any M. Night clownshows.


7:50
Game 6 is about to start. I'm very excited. On a scale of 4 to 37, I'm at around an 11, with 18 being the highest possible level of excitement.

Sidenote: I don't understand scales.

7:52
Before the game starts, I should quickly mention I watched Kevin Love and others work out for the Timberwolves this morning at the Wolves' practice facility. Love shot poorly (even he admitted that), but it didn't sound like the front office gave a crap, because even they know one practice is a little too much to umbrella an entire career. Love, despite what Kevin McHale said, is not a legitimate option at the number three selection. However, if the Wolves trade down, Love is absolutely a guy I believe the Wolves would take a really strong look at. The brass was raving about how smart of a basketball player he is. Love seemed like a damn good interview as well. Selfishly, it would be nice to have a couple of more guys in town who can speak clearly through an entire interview. If the Wolves use their two second round picks to move up back into the first (and I am expecting them to do that), keep an eye out for Alexis Ajinca, a 20-year old kid from France. He's listed at 7-0 but seemed much taller than that comparing him to the other players he was playing against. Everyone who talked about Ajinca had that little sparkle in their eye like "look at this freakin' kid". He looked super athletic and mobile. Huge wingspan. If the Wolves draft OJ Mayo (fingers crossed), they could still address size and address moving Al Jefferson to the 4-spot if they gamble on some talent like Ajinca. Just an idea. But, I also saw him for a total of ten minutes. So, who knows. Here's an Ajinca Workout...

Sidenote: Asskissing 2008: If there were more guys in professional sports like the Wolves' Fred Hoiberg I wouldn't be so jaded to pro athletes and sports. Fred is as classy as they come. Congrats to Fred for avoiding drinking the a-hole/ego formula during his NBA career. Let's move on...

7:54
Paula Cole is singing the national anthem...poorly. Remember her? She sang "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?". I would tend to ask "Where Did All The Correct Notes Go?"

8:17
Kobe Bryant hits his third three-pointer of the game already. Lakers lead 13-12. Prediction: The Black Mamba is going to score about 44 tonight.

Sidenote: My predictions are about as accurate as horoscopes. In case you missed your horoscope in the paper today, let me tell you it...
You need to think of other alternatives while dealing with a specific co-worker. Don't be hesitant to rest today if you can, because sleep is relaxing. Start looking at people around you with different eyes, because sometimes you can't judge a book by it's cover. Tonight: It's you time.


8:24
Ray Allen runs back to the locker room to get his eye checked. Ever notice players never run back to the locker room to go to the bathroom? You'd think one of these days those sweat mops are going to be used for something entirely else.  I should mention there is an urban legend (not sure if it's true) that Bobby Hurley once had an unfortunate accident in his Duke shorts one game. Had to run straight off the floor into the locker room. When the trainers weren't sure where he went, one player asked if they had ever read "Hansel and Gretel".

8:30
I was told someone on the pregame show referred to Kevin Garnett as the "Counterfeit Ticket" instead of the "Big Ticket". Fair enough, that's not bad. I would argue the most infamous counterfeit ticket of all-time is when that millionaire kid from Paraguay claimed to have found the fifth and final Wonka Golden Ticket. That d-bad crushed the dreams of impoverished kids like Charlie Bucket all over the world. Qué un instrumento.

Economic Fact: Fizzy-Lifting Drinks are 18% of Paraguay's GNP.

8:32
The Celtics explain in interviews how much they love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then the Lakers explain how much they enjoy being acquitted of charges in Colorado...
And they like Swedish Fish.

8:35
END OF THE FIRST QUARTER: Celtics lead 24-20.

8:57
Ray Allen sprints back into the arena after spending the entire last quarter worth of basketball in the locker room having his eye looked at and treated. So let's check the scorecard. If you get poked in the eye by Lamar Odom, you run to the locker room on your own power and have your actual injury analyzed and treated. If you step on your teammates' shoe, you fall to the floor, roll around like you got sniped in the shin, then tear up like you just got kicked off American Idol, get carried off the court by your teammates as you wince in "enormous pain"and then get placed in a wheelchair in which you are wheeled back into the tunnel as you fear your NBA Finals and maybe your career have just ended. Advantage Allen.

Sidenote: Paul Pierce wears a knee brace to remind us all he hurt his knee. Remember that? Remember when he got hurt? Remember how much like Willis Reed that was? You didn't forget did you? Well, then I guess I'll continue to wear that brace just so you all don't forget. Did I mention I hurt my knee in game one? I came back. Now I wear a knee brace. Because I hurt it. A lot.

9:07
Mike Breen calls a play and says Pau Gasol backs in against the "Rookie Davis" (referring to Glen Davis), but it sounded like "Ricky Davis", which was unfortunate because Celtic fans then jumped off the top of the TD Banknorth Garden like the construction workers in "The Happening". Make sure you speak clearly.

Sidenote: The skeleton ran out of shampoo in the shower.  Unique New York. The arsonist has oddly shaped feet. The human torch was denied a bank loan.

9:25
HALFTIME: Celtics Lead 58-35.The Lakers feel like Javon Walker's face.

9:31
It's time for everyone's favorite game! It's halftime, which means it's time to play...
Which eye is Stuart Scott's good eye?! And...go...

The left one. No, the right one. Maybe it's the right one. Jeez, the left one looks pretty messed up, but then again so does the right one. The left one is moving weird. Is the right one frozen? I'm pretty sure the right one is the normal one and the left one is the weird one. Strike that, reverse it. Ok, wait. Give me a second. I give up.

9:48
Prediction update: Kobe has 16. He's going to come up a little short of 44. Like Verne Troyer short.

9:54
This game is so boring. It's an old school asskicking. No drama. Where's the drama? Celtics lead by 29. Because the game is such a blowout, this gives me a perfect opportunity to address some things I haven't had the time to discuss...

1)  Why do people say "Man alive"? Something amazing happens and then someone will say "Man alive, can you imagine having that happen to you?". What does that mean? What if the amazing thing that happened was that a guy fell off a cliff and died when he crashed into a pile of broken skateboards? "Man alive" seems to be the exact opposite response to what I would've said. I would've said something like...
"Did you hear about that guy who fell into all those skateboards? Man not alive"

2) Mountain Dew let its loyal drinkers come up with ideas for a new flavor of Mountain Dew. They came up with a handful of prototypes and my ignorant consumer ass bought a 12-pack of the Mountain Dew Voltage: Charged with Raspberry Citrus Flavor and Ginseng. It's not good, and this is coming from a guy who likes anything flavored "blue". If it has a "blue" flavor (yes, the flavor blue, you know what I'm talking about) I'll drink it. But this just isn't good. It tastes like it's curing a disease. Quick note to the people at the Mountain Dew headquarters...

Have you ever seen "The Simpsons"? Do you remember the episode when Homer finds his brother who owns a car company and he lets Homer design a car for mass production? "The Homer" had a bubble dome, shag carpeting, a large beverage holder, tail fins, and played "La Cucaracha" when you hit the horn. The car caused Homer's brother's company to fold. Good luck with the new Dew.

3) It was mentioned to me the other day that the correct saying and spelling is pom-pons, not pom-poms. Apparently, pom-poms is an acceptable spelling, but secondary to the original. Between pom-pons and nunchucks I'm about to give up on the English language.

Sidenote: It appears things capable of being held in your hands are difficult to spell accurately.

10:13
END OF THIRD QUARTER: Celtics throttling the Lakers 89-60.

10:27
A promo for the new movie "Wanted" just ran. I liked that movie the first time...
When it was called "The Matrix".

10:28
A promo for the new movie "Hancock" just ran. Give the award to "Hancock" for easiest transition for a title to porn. Mark Jackson just said that even if Hancock played for the Lakers he'd still take the Celtics at this point (Celtics up 34). Jackson clearly shouldn't be in an NBA front office. There are eight minutes left! Hancock could score 87,000 points in eight minutes. I'll tell you what Mark Jackson, I'll take Hancock and you can have 47 Jack Sikmas. Challenge accepted.

Final score:
Hancock: 4,688,507
47 Sikmas: 0

10:33
A promo for the new movie "Get Smart" just ran. What is your favorite movie that begins with "Get"?

a) Get Smart
b) Get Shorty
c) Get Carter
d) Gettysburg

Take a second to think about it. Got it? Ok, that's enough. Move on with your life.

10:40
Doc Rivers takes Garnett, Allen and Pierce out of the game with the Celtics up 32. Sam Cassell tells Chewbacca to fire up the Geonosian Solar Sailer so he can beat the traffic home.

Sidenote: Actual Star Wars Spacecraft. Thank You Wikipedia.

10:55
The Boston Celtics and Kevin Garnett win the NBA Championship. Doc Rivers gets the extremely rare NBA Gatorade shower. Kevin Garnett nearly collapses in emotion. Then screams "Anything's possible!" Yeah, anything is possible. For example, it's possible to plug your shoe company, Adidas, right after winning the NBA title. "Anything's possible!". Right.

Michele Tafoya: Kevin, how does this feel?
Kevin Garnett: Wendy's! It's open late!

FINAL SCORE:
Celtics: 9 Billion
Lakers: Bakers Dozen







Random Garbage
Wednesday 06-04-2008 4:39pm CT


A-HOLE FEST 2008
On Saturday night I was sucked into a bizarre scene. I went with my roommate and his girlfriend to a new, swanky downtown sushi joint. I don't eat sushi. Sushi bars look like Fear Factor reruns. However, I do like Irish Whiskey and this bar/restaurant had that.

For a place I could never actually dine myself, I was having a much better time than I anticipated. The place is a high-class, dress your best kind of spot, but it's very relaxing and dark and surprisingly enjoyable...

Until the a-holes invaded.

Like Cinderella gambling past midnight, around 10:30/11:00 this place immediately transformed into an a-hole, dance club jerk-fest. I looked around and the place I had more than tolerated (in fact, kind of enjoyed) was now filled to the brim with Don Johnson wannabes and jersey-chasin', gold-diggin' skanks. Multiple Minnesota professional athletes trickled into the joint, one of which is an extremely prominent name and apparently chose walking in to a nightclub with a handful of skanks over going to a charity fishing tournament at which he agreed to appear. Classy move buzzcut. Nice job ditching out on people who were counting on you being there. 

As soon as I saw this guy acting like an idiot, and then two other pro buddies stroll through the place I pleaded to get the *bleep* out of there. Which we did.

I know I'm jaded and bitter, but what's wrong with people? Furthermore, what's wrong with me? Within two hours I went from having a nice evening to hating every person in the entire place. I looked around and realized I disliked everybody I saw, and if I could've quickly spotted a mirror I have a feeling I would've disliked myself just for being there as well.

If your curious at all which place I'm talking about...

Think George Costanza.


BEWARE THE LAKE PEPIN MONSTER
You don't have to fly to Scotland to apparently see a distant relative of the Loch Ness Monster. Simply drive to our very own beautiful Lake City, Minnesota and visit Lake Pepin.

Lake Pepin is home to Pepie, a monster with a "hypnotic red-eye and demon-like head". Don't believe me?
It was on the news! It has to be real!

There is a $50,000 reward for photographic proof of this monster. Because Pepie doesn't exist, I'd like to add an Eleventy Bazillion dollar reward in addition to the $50,000.

By the way, Lake City residents...

The non-existent Lake Pepin monster should stop being referred to as a "sea" monster. Because not only does it lack existence, it also lacks pretend existence in a sea. It's (pretending to be) in a lake not a sea. If anything, it's a lake monster. If you're going to create a fun little legend for the impressionable kids to dream about, at least give them some accurate context. Sea monsters swim in seas. Lake monsters swim in lakes.

Sidenote: Monsters aren't real.

I used to be intrigued to the legend of the Loch Ness Monster like a lot of other children my age, but when you reach an age of reason it's hard to not factor in the sheer impossibility of a creature that reported size surviving for millions of years by his or herself without the need of reproduction and avoiding death despite the insanely small food supply. But hey! Let's greenlight it!

Legends like this exist because of blind ignorance. Not unlike UFOs, when humans are too dumb to decipher what they are witnessing, they immediately play the monster card. The people who claimed to have spotted Pepie admit they couldn't figure out what they were looking at. Get better binoculars, because yours clearly suck. The lenses on them blur everything into fairy tale focus.

Sidenote: Planting juicy pear flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans in the ground will not magically grow a vine to a cloud castle. Wanted to mention that in case you bought the binoculars in the same place you buy jelly beans.












24 Hour Show Live Blog
Sunday 05-18-2008 8:54am CT


Thanks in advance to everybody who donates or helps out with the 24 hour broadcast. We are going to raise money for a great cause, the Lupus Foundation of Minnesota. If you donate today, remember to type "KFAN" in the Comment Box so you are eligible for all of our drawings.

To Donate, go to the Lupus Foundation of Minnesota's Website...

Stay tuned to this page for all of the happenings...
Thanks to everyone.

LIVE Recap

Saturday

2:00 HOUR
Chris Hawkey and Jordan Bianchi stepped in to talk about his run for TS, bands and creating setlists, and how Scarlett Johansson sucks at singing.


3:00 HOUR
PA and Kevin Gorg joined us live from Canterbury Park to talk about the Preakness and they placed bets on a Canterbury race to try to win money for the Lupus Foundation. The Vikings were discussed and the fact that most candy is just cocaine for kids. Justin Gaard also started his spot on the show.

4:00 HOUR
Jim Stack of the Timberwolves talked about the NBA Draft Lottery and that his daughter had her prom tonight...and that the young man taking her probably should fear for his life. I also told a story about a cake-eating gal who had a dog in her pusre like Paris Hilton (first time Ive ever seen it in person) and show she went from a 10 to a 2 in about two seconds. Gaardsy recapped the retirement of Justine Henin.

5:00 HOUR
Preakness talk as Big Brown won huge against the field. The Superstar Mike Morris made his apprearance on the marathon show and talked about the Vikings and Chiefs July Scrimmage. Justin Gaard made his final thoughts for the show by taking a tennis call, and we continued to rip on Producer Paul Lambert's Jack Black look-a-like.

6:00 HOUR
Robyne Robinson from Channel 9 talked to the Superstar and I about what she goes through having Lupus. The Italian French Fry called in and was ridiculous as always. A caller asked us about bizarre injuries Star and I have had, and an emailer donated money when we played the latest Barbaro bit.

7:00 HOUR
TennaB joined as the girls from the Hooters Swimsuit competition talked about how they are going to win and end up in some calendar someday (good luck with all that). Also, Dot Com Tom talked about trying to find good looking girls in the quagmire of Wisconsin, and debated whether the Vikings or Packers would be favored in the NFC North this year.

8:00 HOUR
Jordan Bianchi gave us NACAR updates and predicted Carl Edwards and Kyle Busch would dominate, and was right as Busch and Edwards each won a heat, thus leading to the two of us each donating $50 ($25 for each heat win) to the Lupus Foundation of Minnesota. Idiot office habits were broken down as well...

9:00 HOUR
PMac started his trek to find women at the bars. My idiot roommate Jon sang into my voicemail because a gal requested a song and promised she would donate if he did. The Twins lost to the Rockies 3-2, and TennaB told a story about how a biker was pushing his bike on 494 the other day.....smart.

10:00 HOUR
We discussed bad engagement ideas, debated whether or not Grape Mike and Ike's exist, and the FAN's Lisa Sanderson joined us and brought shakes. We needed them.

11:00 HOUR
Former FSN sports guy Ron Johnson jumped on as we attempted to have Phil get more phone numbers, and by more I mean one.

SUNDAY

12:00 HOUR
Henry Lake makes his marathon debut and joined us while we were mentioning some movies that deserve/need to have sequels. The overwhelming response via calls and emails was "Rounders". Also, the After Dark Sludge & Lake edition featured a segment or two on the bizarre 2008 NBA Playoffs. My voice is starting to go. Not good.

1:00 HOUR
The Preakness and Big Brown's big win was ranted about, and Lake and I took calls on whether or not the disabled athlete should be allowed to participate in the 2008 Olympics.

2:00 HOUR
A lot of the callers wanted to talk about the Timberwolves. NBA Playoffs and NBA Lottery. Timberwolves.com writer Mike Trudell joined to discuss the NBA Draft. We also made fun of PMac disasterous run at the bars trying to get chick's numbers. (Note: Chicks in this case means attractive human females and not barnyard animals)

3:00 HOUR
We had full phone lines and a ton of emails discussing the greatest movie coaches of all-time. Some of the names included the coaches from Varsity Blues, A League of Their Own, Major League, Hoosiers, Happy Gilmore, Remember The Titans, Karate Kid, Saving Silverman and Any Given Sunday. Also, we talked about how cool it is to travel to see your favorite band, regardless of who that band is...

4:00 HOUR
Swear to God, we talked politics. Obama and that other guy, you know that old one. We also broke down the Minnesota Twins' 3-2 loss to Colorado and Delmon Young's season so far. Also talked about how good Kobe Bryant is compared to Michael Jordan.

5:00 HOUR
Are internet sports blogs dead and/or too evil? Plus we had a bunch of random phone calls from diehard nightowls that we completely appreciate.

6:00 HOUR
The boss Chad Abbott stopped in and we gave him a recap of what had gone down the first 16 hours and we also cmplained about overbearing youth coaches and how little it matters to be popular while in high school.

7:00 HOUR
Paul Allen joined and raved about Big Brown's crushing of the Preakness. We also threw the NBA Draft in the face of boss Chad Abbott and speculated what kind of impact a top two pick would have on the Wolves fanbase.

8:00 HOUR
PA and I were joined by Vikings Radio Analyst Pete Bercich for a couple of segments as we tossed up some Vikings talk regarding AP, T-Jack, McKinnie, EJ, and Jared Allen. Then before PA had to bail to go get ready for Canterbury he discussed a new experience he had out on the town the other night...Cougars.












No Fries For 50: Day 22
Thursday 04-24-2008 11:00am CT


DAY 22:

I've had "I Miss You" by Incubus on a 24-hour loop in my room for nearly three weeks now.

I google images of french fries as I lie in my bed shivering, longing to be near any type of french fry again. If fries could talk I'm convinced they would want me back too. I miss them so much. I miss just lying in bed with them and spooning with them. Come back to me fries, I'll even let you be the big spoon. Whatever it takes.

I've had these terrible thoughts in my head that the fries are happier now without me, like they love spending time with a bunch of rotten, old McNuggets or something instead. I'm better than McNuggets. I'll treat them as any beautiful potato product should be. With respect. I respect fries. Always have. Always will.

It's getting hard to be without them now. The past weeks have been a rollercoaster of denial, acceptance, excitement, depression, confusion and exploration.

Last Tuesday, I joined a french fry support group for people in my position. I admitted to the group I've had three regrettable mistakes with fries over the past six years and that I needed help. I told them I've given up fries completely for the next 50 days, and three of the people started to cry. They said, "Are you crazy? Who is going to love you if you don't eat fries?"

I didn't know what to say. They were right. Who is going to love me if I don't eat fries? It's a question I'm going to have to answer myself. I fear the answer is going to be a very lonely spot to be in.
No Fries For 50: Day 14
Wednesday 04-16-2008 1:26pm CT

DAY 14:

I'm two weeks into my fry fasting and I'm starting to hit the wall. I find myself ordering chicken strips without fries and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. Like Dillon having a threesome with just Denise Richards and another chick but not calling Neve Campbell to ask if she wants in.

Sidenote: "Dillon" is Matt Dillon, which I thought was assumed. I would hope the assumption isn't Dylan as in Dylan McKay of 90210 fame played by Luke Perry, or Pamela Anderson's son Dylan (clearly a 90210 reference itself, considering her other son's name is Brandon).

Life without fries is like a similie without a point. It's a waste of time. Clearly.

I've received a number of emails claiming to have spotted me eating fries in various locations throughout the Twin Cities. And by various locations, I mean geographically. I use my mouth to eat fries. Get your filthy minds out of the gutter.

Three times in the last week I've gone through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered fries, but then pulled over and thrown them away one at a time. As each fry leaves my finger, I speak softly to them, wishing them luck and guaranteeing them all that we will meet again. 

Sidenote: This sort of forced emotion is similar to the end of every season of Real World. They all cry like they are never going to see each other again. In fact, they'll see each other at the Real World/Road Rules challenges, the Gauntlet, the Real World 20 Year Award Show, the Palms Ghost Bar and Planned Parenthood. So, they'll all have plenty of time to catch up.

I appreciate the support I've received from listeners, callers and emailers. I'm going through a very difficult time in my life right now without fries, and unless you've gone through it you can't imagine how much the support truly helps. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. It's because of you all I'm going to last these next 36 days.

Sidenote: If I fail, you people didn't support me enough, and I will forever push the full blame of the failure on my support group (you all) and accept none of the responsibility of my own actions. Thanks for nothing.











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